So close and yet so far
by SunshineAdult
Summary: Dexter finally gives Debra what she wanted, which was to let her in. ONESHOT, COMPLETE


So close and yet so far.

(A/N: This is set between the end of Series 1 and the start of Series 2) DISCLAIMER: don't own characters and don't make money

I was relaxing on the couch for a few moments before the inevitable whirlwind that was my sister came bursting through the door. It was a perfect night for a hunt, but it was uncertain how long she would be out, so again I would have to put it off. It had been almost a year now since Debra had been living with me since her adventure with the Ice Truck Killer. While my irritation from maintaining my façade was released in the beginning by regular hints to her about places up for rent, we both knew that it wasn't getting anywhere, so eventually my demeanor became one of constant irritation, having no outlet for expression. She knew I wasn't happy about her living with me but whatever fear she was feeling inside was obviously strong enough to overcome it. Soon it would be very clear to her that I wasn't who she thought I was, and with the way I was feeling now, it wouldn't be so fucking bad. Maybe it would even stop her from feeling scared about the Ice Truck Killer, albeit with the side effect of coming face to face with an even greater monster – me.

Even though we worked in the same department and lived together, we still had separate lives in every sense of the word. We had different working hours, and as cops, we'd have to work overtime as our specialties demanded. We slept in different rooms. We ate at different times. And we were very, very different people. She was carefree, whereas I had to keep people at a safe distance just in case I slipped and they saw the monster lurking in the shadows. It was for their own good, but they didn't know that. And it was a survival tactic for me. Win-win situation, right?

Not quite. Now every moment of the day was pressure. Outside it was pressure to be normal. Inside, it was pressure to be normal as well as keep the restless monster suppressed until the next victim. And those safe moments were few and far between. I'd even have to manufacture reasons to keep Rita and Debra occupied, and those reasons were becoming more and more fake. I don't know how much more I can handle. How could she be so stupid? Shouldn't she just recognise me for what I was and put us both out of our misery? She's miserable about what she went through because she has no idea what hell really feels like.

I heard the familiar rapid footsteps and then the door burst open.

"Guess what, Dex!" she said excitedly, not caring for a reply before she continued. "They're saying the case of all those body parts at the bottom of the water has gone on for so long, and it's so important, that whoever solves the case is almost guaranteed a promotion!" she said as she bounced up and down. "I just know I'll find the killer. I can feel it."

Perhaps her senses are sharpening. She can feel that she's close to the killer – she just doesn't know she shares the same apartment with the killer.

"That's great," I said in my most encouraging voice.

She immediately cocked her head and squinted her eyes. "Yeah, I know you think I've got squat, and have shit for brains." Then she turned into her excited self again and continued "But I just know it. Ohhhhh, it's going to be so good!"

I continued to stare perplexed at my foster sister. I wasn't one for lying, but the way she was talking about catching me to my face didn't boost my confidence in her abilities. Changing the topic slightly, I said "So who've you got?"

She gave her fakest smile. "Gee, bro… the way you said that is so encouraging. Don't forget, if you're nice to me, I might just cut you in for a slice of the credit." She winked, and bent forward. "You might think that no one can see you for who you are, but I can read you like a book," she said emphatically. I think not. My sister – my greatest blessing, and my greatest curse as well.

"Anyway," she continued, "I'm getting some more leads on the drug lords in the neighboring county. I'm hoping that one of them will be responsible, and then I'm home free, bro!" She waved her arms around. I hope she wasn't still talking about MY home.

"I'm sure you'll find the killer," I said, rubbing my eyes.

She rolled her eyes. "God! You're so fake – you never let me see the real you!"

"So… you can't read me like a book, then."

"Shut the fuck up. I can tell when you're lying or when you're hiding, I just can't tell what you're thinking," she said, a bit meekly. She squatted down, looking me in the eye. "So you don't think any of the new suspects are the killer."

"I wouldn't know. I haven't seen the evidence," I replied logically.

She let out a huff of air. Standing up, she said "I need your support, Dex. I just want this to be over. This scumbag killed more people than the Ice Truck Killer and so if I can put this bastard away…" Her eyes teared up. She sniffed, and tried to blink them away. Daddy's strong little girl. "You don't know what it's like. To be so helpless. To have to put on a fake mask all the time. I thought the pain would have gone away by now, but it hasn't, so I'm trying this as an option. Aren't you happy that this might help me?"

I gave my most sympathetic look.

She flung a cushion at the wall. "Fucking hell! You really don't care, do you? Why is it that I have one relative left – you – and I still feel like I'm alone?" She put her hand to her face. "The one thing that means the most to me is for you to let me in. That's the ONLY thing." With tears falling down her face, she lowered her hand and looked me in the eye. "That's all I want."

I was tired.

Tired of the endless façade, tired of my sister's illusiory problems, and tired of people not knowing that I was doing them a favour by not revealing myself.

I stood up, and she slowly followed suit. "Enough of this," I said coldly as I raised my hands to her neck. I spun her around and kept her firmly in a headlock amidst her gasps and struggles until she was unconscious. There was only one thing left to do.

NOTE: THIS IS ALL I'M GOING TO POST ON THIS SITE FOR THIS STORY SINCE IT DOES INVOLVE GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF SEX. IF YOU WANT TO READ THE FULL STORY, PLEASE SEE MY PROFILE FOR LINKS TO WEBSITES WHERE YOU CAN READ IT. THANKS


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